Too messed up.
Things are too messed up.
Relationships are hard.
Friendships are tough.
But above all, people are just too dramatic.
Oh but don’t be fooled.
I cause a lot of my own drama.
Perhaps without even knowing it.
Make it simple.
Its best that way.
Empty.
Tell me?
Would you catch me if I fell? Would you hold me so I wouldn’t cry any longer? Would you look into my eyes and tell me it will be okay and mean it? Would you wake me up and tell me that I look beautiful regardless that my hair is messy? Would you know when I’m hurting? Would you jump with me when I’m screaming with joy? Would you hold my hand and just enjoy the silence of the sunrise? Will you let me drive you crazy? Will you let me explode when I have to? Will you let me whine? And will you let me be show you my beautiful soul.. when I get it back?
Because sometimes, I think you won’t…
Best friends are truly the best.
And you my friend, you are the definition of the best.. :)
How do you know when you have made a good decision?
Or, how do you know the decision you will make is good, or the right one?
They say follow your heart, or trust your gut..
But its not as easy. Its not that simple.
I try and make the decision thats convenient for everyone.
Usually it isn’t the one that I’d prefer or the ”right” one..
Is there ever a right decision? What about the whole ‘your choices is what has gotten you here’..
Doesn’t that count as well?
Our mistakes, our ”wrong” decisions.. don’t they lead us to where we are now? To who we become?
And don’t we learn from our mistakes?
I’m not saying make mistakes, because you’d be a fool to do it purposely.
But sometimes beating yourself up for it might not be the better alternative either..
Be sorry. That you should be. But beating yourself up might not do the trick. Instead how about if we accept what we’ve done is wrong, move on and swear never to do it again because we are aware of the consequences..
Does that work?
I swear you don’t walk in here right now, I’mma hate you.
First I try and hint that I need you.. Sure works for like what 5 seconds? Then I actually desperately tell you.. but you go to bed.
Just WOW!
Hope you really don’t get any sleep tonight and that you do become cranky.
CAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!
URGH!!!
I don’t know who I am anymore..
I’m juggling between who I’ve turned out to be and who I want to be..
I hate blaming external factors for things, its not a reason.. Its just an excuse.
Where am I going with this?
I want to go flip back pages and replace who I am with who I was.. But I wouldn’t be as confident, as mature, as developed..
Tell me! Tell me if I’m right or wrong..?
Because I don’t know anymore..
I really can’t do this…
I wish I had an eraser and could remove all the memories, even the good ones just to make these go away..
As bad as it may sound I’m starting to wish I had never sent that text all those years ago and this may have never started, and I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I wouldn’t have to go through this torture..
How do you expect me to live with myself after knowing what I’ve done to you?
How do you expect me to not hurt?
How do you expect me to not choke and crack into tiny pieces..
The thought of you, the thought of all of this just feels like I’m being stabbed endlessly…
I don’t know what the right thing to do is? Should I say a final goodbye, or should I make up for everything that I’ve put you through? Should I share my story and pain or should I walk away hoping that you heal?
I’m so tired of hurting..
I’m so tired of keeping everything inside.
I can’t do this anymore..
It hurts too much.
How are we able to hold off for so long..
Why do I feel like you hate me?
I hate this. I absolutely hate this. Every single part of it..
Pure torture.
